Dave -

Would you mind if I seek your advice on a matter? Do you have a promotion policy for your children's program -- for example, if a parent wanted to move a child from the preschool dept. to the elementary department or the elem. to the middle school department a year early, would it be allowed? We have policies in place here, but it seems that this time of year I'm always facing the dilemma of a parent who wants their child to be the exception to policies we have. I was hoping I could gleam from your experience.

Thanks!
Carol

Hey Carol,
Oh yeah, promotion policy is fun fun fun!
Our policy here is that we promote right before school starts. No one is allowed to advance before then. Then we promote everyone, babies through high schoolers on the same day. In my former church we promoted the Sunday after school got out for summer. I prefer that, but at this church we have to retain the kids because of how the district does camps... So every place is unique.
I am a real hard nose on the policy and I tell parents the reasons why are for their kids and their sanity! Kids really need to travel through the grades with the kids they are going to be with for their whole childhood/youth experience. Things get really, REALLY hard when kids start hitting the youth group and even high school graduation and they have been allowed to monkey around with what class they are with. Then all the sudden their friends are in the youth group or out and they are stuck with the "little kids" and refuse to go to church anymore. The parents have then gotten themselves into a real mess! I warn parents that they should find the grade that their kids are going to travel with and stick with it until they graduate! It is in their best interest! At times I go soft with a child who has been held back in school but wants to stay with friends in their former grade. I really work with the parents to decide, within reason. Sometimes it's on a case by case basis.
Hope that helps.
Dave M

 I had a chance to meet with a couple of girls and their mom for a meeting about Baptism. The girls’ father is getting baptized and they became interested when he said he was going to be baptized. I have a PowerPoint I use with seven questions in a multiple-choice format. It takes about 30 minutes and by the end most kids know what baptism is all about.
Yesterday, when I got to the part about having a story/testimony of our life with Jesus, the girls didn’t really have a story or time when they remembered asking Jesus to be the leader of their life. I was able to pray with them and they both received Jesus in their lives. Yes!

Another remarkable thing happened as I kept going with the baptism discussion and we talked about growing in our relationship with Jesus and how sin blocks our relationship with God and others. Mom began to talk about showing up to church more and being more involved, like just showing up to church was what it was all about. I tried to tell her that the relationship with God was what it was all about and their family could find hope in that together. The mom began to tear up as I talked about living without guilt and being free. This woman was born and raised at my church but she seemed to be caught in the “religion” game of guilt and shame.

She left my office with more hope than when she came in. I think God did more than just come into the hearts of the two girls, God also began to melt the heart of their mother. My prayer is that this Sunday baptism service begins a new adventure in their whole family.

That’s what it’s all about.

Okay that’s not exactly true. I took a shower. That’s something. Yesterday felt like a day that was full of appointments and meetings and tasks... but at the end of it I didn’t have that glorious satisfaction of checking anything off my ‘to do’ list. Truth is so much of what I do are big ticket items that seem to require a ridiculous amount of vague tasks that I can’t seem to write down. They are relational ‘to do’ items.
So, I had a ton of meetings yesterday that needed to be done and were productive in their own way... I just couldn’t check any item off my list... they just didn’t produce any solid results... yet. I know enough to know that they will. The relational bonds that were produced in those meetings will pay off... over the years.
Patience Dave.

Oh I take it back. I needed to buy a hard drive for JR. Did it. That’s one.

Dave M

Insider folk funk

The place I live and work has a problem with insider thinking and language. My wife started attending a women’s bible study with a hundred or so other women and one week they announced that the next week would be ‘axe-sax’. They went on about it just like everyone in the world knew what ‘axe-sax’ was.   My wife looked around to see if anyone else was confused. After the meeting she asked the leader what ‘axe-sax’ was and the leader said, “Well, you know... we have lunch together.” My wife asked what the word ‘axe-sax’ was all about to which the lady said, “Well, I think it has to do with the book of Acts and sack lunches... but I don’t really know... the former Pastor’s wife made it up (10 years earlier) and we just keep calling our lunch that name. I never really thought about it.” 

Even the word ‘sin’ is an insider word. I know exactly what that means and it has deep ‘separation from God’ significance to me. But a kid walking into my worship experience has no idea what ‘sin’ means. Insider language keeps that kid out of the discussion. We have to make the message of Jesus accessible to those in attendance. 

We make assumptions that turn into patterns. I’m sitting at a bagel shop where the guy working at the counter assumes every time I come in that I want a large coffee because that is what I ordered the first time I came in. I have ordered a small more times than I can count, but when I walk in he grabs a large cup and proudly places it in front of me. Usually I say, “oh can I have a small?” and then he kind of sadly changes it... today I just took (and paid for) the large.  His assumption won't go away... I like Sheldon anyway.  What assumptions do I make with all my church history?

It took me weeks to feel like I cold navigate our church with confidence. Now I just assume that everyone knows where to go. I have to remind myself that visitors don’t. But now I’m an insider. I have to break that habit. God, help me see from an outsider’s eye and hear from a child’s ear. 

Jesus, overhearing, shot back, "Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out what this Scripture means: 'I'm after mercy, not religion.' I'm here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders."   Matthew 9:12

“What impassions you about Children’s ministry?”

Dave M

One thing we did to help the really long hallway (you can’t even see the end of it when you first go down it because it curves which makes it feel like it goes forever) It was like a hallway of doom! One thing we did was ask an artist to do graffiti down the hallway. It turned out awesome! I tried to treat this part of the project like I was commissioning an artist for a work of art... in other words, you don’t tell him what to do specifically, you just tell him the feel you want and some direction on the content of the work. I told Ross, the artist I wanted the verse ‘Jeremiah 29:13’ on the wall and so... that’s what he did, literally. I expected the words from the verse, but he did the reference itself in huge lettering with the verse text below it. Classic case of letting people use their gifts. I’m so glad I set him free to do it his way! It’s incredible!

Now, when you go down the hall it doesn’t feel like ‘no man’s land’ it feels like you are headed to the coolest hide-away in the church. When the kids saw it for the first time the anticipation was palatable. They were so excited that someone was paying attention to them and their area. They were valued and important. I know a lot of people that think facility is not really that important and that the looks of it don’t have very much impact, but I disagree. I feel different in that hall... every time.   I like to go down that hall now. I feel excited and like I’m part of something ‘happening’ when I head that way. I know the kids do to. 

I took a 5^th grade visitor down that hall this last Sunday. It used to be rather embarrassing to lead them down the never-ending ‘corridor of nowhere’. But this time, when they saw that graffiti... they smiled and said ‘wow’. Now, we go to work at having that visitor meet God... smile... and say wow. 

 

I was able to meet with a group of Children’s pastors yesterday for a conference call and they did not sound good. I don’t really like conference calls because you can’t see people’s faces. You end up stepping on each other’s starts of sentences because you can’t see the non-verbal cues of someone beginning to speak. The conversation can be filled with pauses and awkward silences. So the leader asked for prayer requests and praises and we felt free to share some requests we seemed hesitant to share any praises. 

To be honest this group sounded down.   I think some were sick, but it seemed to go a little deeper than physical sickness. I sensed a quiet despair in some. The truth is I think being a children’s pastor is hard. While I don’t know all the details going on in their lives, I do have an idea that there are the all too common issues with this occupation having all too common effects on my friends. 

I asked myself, “Why be a children’s pastor?” Are we just a group of people who couldn’t get any other job?    I don’t think so, and in fact I believe quite the opposite. This is an occupation that few can handle. People burn out of this occupation constantly. 

I have reminded myself of three things we should remember as children’s pastors:

You will not see the real fruit of your labor for years... if you’re lucky. Probably you will not know how you truly helped build God’s kingdom until after you’re dead. Children’s pastors live in expectation of heaven like no one else. We know that only then will we see how we fit in the chain of events that God plans for kids and families to draw closer to Him.  We build for future results. We see a rare early reward periodically but that is rare. 

Only do this job if you take the words of Jesus seriously: “If you want to be great, be the least”... because you are. 

Everyone sees a hierarchy in the pastoral realms of church world, and folks, children’s pastor is at the bottom. I have literally been asked when I felt like I was going to get a promotion to become a youth pastor! I have a passionate belief that Jesus hates that thinking. Jesus really did say we should work to please God our Father instead of seeking position and power.

The facts are that most (as in almost ALL adult Christians make decisions for Jesus as children. If we have any hope in changing the world we must pay attention to our children and the environments we provide for their spiritual development. I am troubled by the current state of our future. I see too many blank faces when I look for passionate Jesus followers in the generations that flow through my church doors. God help us be optimistic about our chances to shape the present reality to bring world-changing leaders up and out of our church families.  

Change is hard. Really hard. But I love it. It invigorates me! We are repainting the hall in the elementary wing here at our church. There are murals that have been there for over 10 years, according to church lore. Depending on who you ask they were painted by an angel or disciple or something like that. =^) My son loves one of the murals because there is an electrical outlet on the wall that looks like its on one person’s backside. He calls it a shocking bottom! Funny. 

Change is really complicated, too! I am always having to ask myself who I am offending or making mad or who might be upset by the change. Change is multi-layered and complex! Usually it is adults who get torked-off by this sort of change, as if this change is for them only! Just choosing the paint colors is hard because it has to look good with the carpet, be appealing to kids and their parents and volunteers and visitors. I have to hope that the facility people on the board like it and the pastor too! 

What I have always found interesting is that I never have anyone get mad at me for staying with the status quo, but people get all upset when I change things. So, the incentive is always on just staying put and keeping things the way they are. I can’t stand that. I love breathing new life into old skin. I love finding old discarded items and making them work effectively. I love taking an old hall that is just the way it has always been and making it pop!

I almost get to the point where I look forward to the reaction of people when I bring a change. I prepare myself for it and look at it as a time to engage in new ways with people who may be just as status quo as the walls in the church. 

The walls in our church are only half painted and it looks terrible right now. I’m kinda looking forward to all the comments... the controversy... the people who I am called to work with who need to be shaken up. That’s who we are changing the walls for. May God change them... and for that matter, me too! I love change.  

Dave M

I sang a ‘kids song’ yesterday in ‘big church’. I jumped around like a freaking lunatic in front of about 1000 people with about 100 kids. I’m 40 for pete’s sake. Seriously, what the heck am I doing? I could feel it coming.... that dread of my self-awareness of how it must look for a grown man to be dancing with children on stage at church. Yes, it’s totally justified and, no I’m not a total wack-o... I know all that. But deep down, I know that’s weird. Men don’t really do that. Respected pastors who are ordained just don’t do that. Real ministers work with grown-ups in offices or in a coffee shop. They wear nice clothes on stage and talk about theological treatises. They focus on the big people who have real problems. Quite a few people think that what I do is so cute and, “isn’t it sweet that we have someone to be our kid’s pastor!”  By contrast I recently saw a list of the sexiest occupations... ‘Children’s Pastor’ wasn’t on it.

Anyone who reads this may be saying, “No Dave, what you do is the most important job in the world!” But really, you are REALLY glad you don’t’ have to.

To be honest, it just reveals my own great awareness of how this world is and how I have bought into it. Twisted. Wrong. I’m ashamed that I even have to think about it and remind myself of the truer reality. God is no respecter of age, economic class or self-importance. When God sees a child, God sees a person... ultimately valuable, in and of themselves. So much of what I do is just pay attention to children... these who are overlooked and under-appreciated. They are not more important than adults, they are loved just as much. And, I get to be their pastor.

What’s funny about the whole topic is that I really love what I do. I have been formed to do exactly what I am doing right here and now. To do something else would be to try to live underwater. May not be forever, so I better enjoy it.

My patron saint is David... a dancing fool (2 Samuel 6). Undercover say a song, “I’ll be a fool for you.” Leeland sings, “Jesus give me your heart, let there be a death in me. I’m making room for all that you are. Give me your heart. May I be low, so you’ll be higher. And I’ll be weak for you are strong in the weakness.”

At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.  Matthew 11:25 (NIV)

How you read this title depends on your history with Vacation Bible School.  You may love it or be sick of it.  It is a highlight of your year or a burdensome sacred cow you must endure annually.  Which is it for you?  I have recently heard a few people really downplay the effectiveness of VBS in current society.  “It doesn’t work anymore.”  “Something needs to change.”  I also hear, “This VBS was the best one my kids have ever been to!”  “Can we keep this VBS going another week?”   

For me the title means, “we just finished VBS last week and I’m done.”  But I already miss it.  I love it.  I love having kids at church for 3.5 hours straight and filling their heads with fun-Jesus-stuff!  I love letting new people in my church teach for a week to see what they are like.  I love trying new things at VBS I can’t try during the year.  I love having such a HUGE event in the life of my church that makes everyone take a look at the value of kids ministry.  I love getting to know new families.  I love taking over the whole church and letting the kids ‘take over’ the joint.  I love missions offering.  I love the themes.  I love it... all of it. 

But for those of you who don’t love it... let it go.  It could be the end of VBS at your church.  The question of letting it go is a tough one for any program that has rich history and past success.  But ask yourself if you are passionate about it AND is the church passionate about it.  Does God want it at your church?  To be honest I think God could care less if you a week long God-centered program VBS, day-camp, sports camp, or happy-happy-go-time-for-kids-week.  It could be that your church makes VBS a Wednesday night summer-long program, a family VBS, or something radically different.  Whatever it should be, I see a formula that works: 

Your passion + your churches vision/gifts/resources = ministry

Do that.  For some it will be the end of VBS, for others it will be the end of VBS as it has always been, and for others it will be VBS as cool as it’s always been.

Dave M

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